TIMBER!

The Logtown Lumber Company announced that its quarterly profits would be larger than predicted by analysts for the seventh consecutive quarter, which will result in added bonuses for every member of the 300+ employees of the self-owned business.

It is expected that most of the money, continuing custom, will be donated to the Logtown High football program.

The Logtown Lumber Company has called a press conference for tomorrow afternoon.

Parents of injured freshman contest detention

The parents of the Logtown High freshman injured in an outhouse explosion have contested their child’s mandatory detention for violating the ‘No Open Flames Near the Outhouse’ rule.

“We just moved here this summer, and we live in the Foundation District,” father Jim Smith said. “Our daughter didn’t know any better about how serious the ‘NO SMOKING’ sign in the outhouse truly is. I think she’s suffered enough, and I’m sure she’s learned her lesson.”

Wayne Plupe, Logtown principal, had no comment about Mr. Smith’s comments, nor did he respond to questions about penalties for freshmen that smoke on campus.

Students to get workplace experience

The Logtown High journalism class will take a field trip as they follow a local reporter on his duties writing for a professional newspaper.

Richie Potts, class instructor, was enthusiastic about showing his students what true journalism was all about.

“We only do this once every four years,” Potts said, “so that students only get to experience this once, and hopefully they will appreciate it more.”