Fletcher and Richie are sitting in Richie’s mobile home in the far recesses of Crapper’s Park, engaged in a NCAA Football contest on the big screen TV that is far too large for such a cramped space. Pizza boxes, empty beer and soda cans, and shattered video game controllers provide décor. Richie’s multi-colored, mixed breed dog Vito is curled up next to the TV, licking himself happily.

While you were reading that, Fletcher returned an interception for a TD, making the score 41-0 in the first quarter. Richie hit the reset button.

Fletcher: At least you didn’t break anything.

Richie (lighting cigarette): <a few choice expletives deleted>

Richie: They got pretty mad at me today…thanks.

Fletcher: I’m not the one who picked the day for the field trip. You think I’m going to cancel my day of inspiration to do work that doesn’t exist?

Richie: Inspiration?

Fletcher: It’s my golf day! Golf. It inspires me to keep holding a job where I don’t have hours that restrict me from outdoor activities. And it’s always funny to write about golf. I could write about Bart getting run over by the golf cart until my fingers hurt. That was hilarious!

Richie: Ok, it was funny. (looking at the team selection screen) We need to make a rule where you can’t be USC…

A knock at the door reveals Simon and Young MC, supplies and controllers in hand. Simon looks unusually agitated. Not just his usual agitated. Let’s get out the ‘ear muffs’ for a moment while he gets himself situated in one of the plush recliners that bookend the sofa. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Richie owes more on his living room set than he paid for his car. But that’s for another time; Simon seems to have calmed down.

By the way, the game between Fletcher and Richie has reached the 4^th quarter.

Young MC: My girlfriend broke up with me….

Richie: Again?

Fletcher: Again?

Simon: Again?

Young MC: Again.

Richie: How long since you first started going out?

Young MC: Four months.

Richie: How many times has she broken up with you?

Young MC: Four.

Richie: How many months has she been out of high school?

Young MC (annoyed): Are you getting at something?

Richie: Am I the only one who sees this pattern?

Simon: Looks longingly towards kitchen

Fletcher: How long does it usually take until they get back together? Until she remembers her parents threw her out?

Richie: That sounds about right.

Simon: I’m gonna go to the kitchen for something….

Young MC: I really wish you guys would quit making fun of my girlfriend. So what if she’s young? Don’t we all want young girlfriends?

Fletcher: We want young girls, not young girlfriends. Oh, and speaking of your girlfriend, did she tell you we saw her at work Thursday when we were on our field trip? She’s looking pretty good.

The sound of an electric can opener coming from the kitchen interrupts the conversation. Fletcher and Richie look at each other with ‘oh, not again’ looks.

Richie (extinguishing cigarette and standing): Simon?

Fletcher: There’d better not be any creamed corn in there…Richie, you’ve got to be kidding me…

Richie (moving quickly towards kitchen): Simon! No!

LOGTOWN (UPI) – Three Logtown High journalism students were injured and another eight received citations from local police during a field trip Thursday.

The injuries occurred at the local golf course, Loggers Row Public Links, when one student was struck by a ball in flight, one was run over by a golf cart, and the other was attacked by an undetermined wild animal while searching through the waist-deep grasses off the eighth fairway.

Two of the citations were issued at the golf course for minors in possession of alcohol, and the other six citations were given for loitering outside the local gentlemen’s establishment, Logger’s Wood.

While it appears from preliminary investigation that the injuries sustained at the golf course were accidents, it has yet to be determined if the adult chaperones face any sanctions for the students who received the citations.

“There is a rational explanation for the events that transpired on the journalism field trip,” journalism teacher Richie Potts said, reading from a prepared statement. “It doesn’t appear that any of the injuries sustained are serious, and I hope all of them heal quickly.”

TIMBER!

The Logtown Lumber Company announced that its quarterly profits would be larger than predicted by analysts for the seventh consecutive quarter, which will result in added bonuses for every member of the 300+ employees of the self-owned business.

It is expected that most of the money, continuing custom, will be donated to the Logtown High football program.

The Logtown Lumber Company has called a press conference for tomorrow afternoon.

Parents of injured freshman contest detention

The parents of the Logtown High freshman injured in an outhouse explosion have contested their child’s mandatory detention for violating the ‘No Open Flames Near the Outhouse’ rule.

“We just moved here this summer, and we live in the Foundation District,” father Jim Smith said. “Our daughter didn’t know any better about how serious the ‘NO SMOKING’ sign in the outhouse truly is. I think she’s suffered enough, and I’m sure she’s learned her lesson.”

Wayne Plupe, Logtown principal, had no comment about Mr. Smith’s comments, nor did he respond to questions about penalties for freshmen that smoke on campus.

Students to get workplace experience

The Logtown High journalism class will take a field trip as they follow a local reporter on his duties writing for a professional newspaper.

Richie Potts, class instructor, was enthusiastic about showing his students what true journalism was all about.

“We only do this once every four years,” Potts said, “so that students only get to experience this once, and hopefully they will appreciate it more.”