LOGTOWN (UPI) – Three Logtown High journalism students were injured and another eight received citations from local police during a field trip Thursday.

The injuries occurred at the local golf course, Loggers Row Public Links, when one student was struck by a ball in flight, one was run over by a golf cart, and the other was attacked by an undetermined wild animal while searching through the waist-deep grasses off the eighth fairway.

Two of the citations were issued at the golf course for minors in possession of alcohol, and the other six citations were given for loitering outside the local gentlemen’s establishment, Logger’s Wood.

While it appears from preliminary investigation that the injuries sustained at the golf course were accidents, it has yet to be determined if the adult chaperones face any sanctions for the students who received the citations.

“There is a rational explanation for the events that transpired on the journalism field trip,” journalism teacher Richie Potts said, reading from a prepared statement. “It doesn’t appear that any of the injuries sustained are serious, and I hope all of them heal quickly.”

TIMBER!

The Logtown Lumber Company announced that its quarterly profits would be larger than predicted by analysts for the seventh consecutive quarter, which will result in added bonuses for every member of the 300+ employees of the self-owned business.

It is expected that most of the money, continuing custom, will be donated to the Logtown High football program.

The Logtown Lumber Company has called a press conference for tomorrow afternoon.

Parents of injured freshman contest detention

The parents of the Logtown High freshman injured in an outhouse explosion have contested their child’s mandatory detention for violating the ‘No Open Flames Near the Outhouse’ rule.

“We just moved here this summer, and we live in the Foundation District,” father Jim Smith said. “Our daughter didn’t know any better about how serious the ‘NO SMOKING’ sign in the outhouse truly is. I think she’s suffered enough, and I’m sure she’s learned her lesson.”

Wayne Plupe, Logtown principal, had no comment about Mr. Smith’s comments, nor did he respond to questions about penalties for freshmen that smoke on campus.

Students to get workplace experience

The Logtown High journalism class will take a field trip as they follow a local reporter on his duties writing for a professional newspaper.

Richie Potts, class instructor, was enthusiastic about showing his students what true journalism was all about.

“We only do this once every four years,” Potts said, “so that students only get to experience this once, and hopefully they will appreciate it more.”

LOGTOWN (UPI) – City council voted tonight to keep the current Logtown High School symbol, despite the annual protest of Council member T.J. Bowl.

“One of these years,” Bowl said in a post-meeting interview, “I’m going to get one more vote and things will change for the better.”

Since Bowl was elected as the Council representative from District 3 - known to locals as ‘The Foundation District’ because there are no mobile homes in the District – he has campaigned unsuccessfully to have the Logtown High symbol changed from an outhouse to an oak tree.

“Why in Pete’s name would Logtown High have an oak tree for its symbol?” District 1 representative Stan Crapper opined after the meeting. “This town is all about logs, and having a tree for a symbol sends an unusually violent message to outsiders of our community.”

District 2 representative Pete Spurtz opposed the change for different reasons.

“As you know,” Spurtz said, “my entire district is comprised of mobile homes and shacks with dirt floors. Having that outhouse as a symbol for our institution of higher education hearkens back to the days when none of the homes in this town had indoor plumbing and that outhouse was the only place we had to go. Why in Stan’s name would we want to abandon our heritage?”

As recently as 1978, the outhouse in front of the high school was the only toilet in town. On Nov. 17, 1977, police records indicate that Stan Crapper and Pete Spurtz came to blows over who placed their hand on the door handle – Logtown etiquette for determining outhouse order – first. After the spring thaw, Crapper opened his own trailer park, Crapper’s Park, and installed his own outhouse.

In other council business, the council voted unanimously to rebuild the outhouse in front of the school after one of the freshman allegedly attempted to light a cigarette inside of it Monday morning during school hours. The freshman suffered severe burns, but will be given detention upon his return to school for violating the ‘No Open Flames Near the Outhouse’ rule that has been in effect since the town was founded.