Last things first -- enough of this is fiction that you shouldn't believe it as true.

Welcome to the cast of characters at Logtown High, nickname Loggers.

Young MC is the girls' basketball coach. His claim to fame is that he broke the gender barrier in high school athletics by becoming the first male to play girls' basketball.

Simon Liebowitz is the short, bespectacled, bow-tie wearing political science teacher who rants in a thick southern accent, drinks heavily, and spends the first month of each school year with an unusual tan line resulting from the shaving of his face-covering summer beard. The louder and angrier he gets, the funnier it is.

Richie is the cafeteria manager and journalism teacher. He's really tall and skinny, and smokes cigarettes.

Fletcher is Richie's best friend and writes for the big town newspaper 40 miles away, but his only beat is covering events in Logtown, Population 3473. Fletcher has a lot of free time.

There are lots of other secondary characters who will be making appearances from time to time, occasionally when they're aware of it.

If ever the Tales From Logtown take a turn into nonsensical stage performances, I'm ripping the idea off from Richard Davis. Please don't sue.

Can anyone tell me why Kentucky doesn't require annual vehicle inspections in concert with the registration renewals?

 Noboby's examined my car since I first got Kentucky plates -- back in 1997.

 Since then, how likely is it that I've had headlights, turn signals or brake lights burn out and need to be replaced?

Well, what if they do, and I don't want to spend any money or time to fix it? Is anybody going to tell me to fix it? Pretty much any person of any class or race would consider it being hassled by the police if they pulled you over and gave you a citation, right?

 So, where's my incentive to fix my burned-out brake lights? Sure, I'll get them fixed if my car gets rear-ended. It will likely cost a helluva lot more $$ than just getting it fixed, right?

It seems that in Kentucky, this is an acceptable risk. In ARKANSAS, of all places,  vehicles have to be inspected before new registration tags are issued. It costs a nominal fee, and most auto service centers/oil change shops/full service gas stations would provide the service, so it wouldn't take much time or be too far out of anyone's way.

 Passing inspection wins you a small sticker that is placed on your windshield in the general location of where we already have a stack of parking passes growing steadily by the road trip -- the inspector even will have a nifty gadget that removes the old sticker before the new one is applied -- so there won't be a trail of inspection stickers running all the way around the edge of your 1974 Oldsmobuick Behemoth.

Now, not even this would help people with their turn signals, but it might help 

Judging by the horrific driving ability of so many people in Lexington, KY, I've decided to voice a few of my ideas for doing something about it.

Today's idea involves traffic signs. I propose changing the word "ONLY" on traffic signs to "UNLESS," and changing "MUST" to "SHOULD." You know, instead of "RIGHT TURN ONLY" the sign reads "RIGHT TURN UNLESS," and instead of "LEFT LANE MUST TURN LEFT" the sign will read "LEFT LANE SHOULD TURN LEFT."

I say this because that's the way people drive anyway around here. People regularly ignore traffic signs because they have no earthly idea where they are going, even though they're the one operating the vehicle. Turn lanes are just alternate thru lanes to Lexington drivers who believe they are the only vehicle on the road.

That's it for today, kids. Remember, if you don't know where you're driving to, or how you're going to get there, PLEASE STAY HOME.